GOD HAS BETTER PLANS.

To all my NUU friends,

Honestly, I’m still figuring out a lot and praying my way towards more developed conclusions, but I feel a certain responsibility to “break the news” about what’s been going on.

As of the last month or so, Not Unto Us Apparel is shut down indefinitely.

To everyone who’s supported me, believed in me, and encouraged me, thank you, I owe y’all a lot. However, therein lies the problem: too much of me.

While deciphering motivations is an ambiguous undertaking, here’s what I have come to believe: my ambition towards this project was rooted in a belief that I could do better than others with similar pursuits. I remember a conversation very early on that I was asked why I wanted to start a Christian clothing brand; my response was “because I think I could do better than what’s out there currently.” 

 I had a verse in my mind, but not in a meditative way. My mindset was this verse could be alliterated and make a dope brand, which in hindsight I think is disregarding the significance of God’s Word. It became about my brand and my message. I never internalized Psalms 115:1, only sought to externalize it in my way.

As time went on, the association between NUU and I grew stronger. Those around me treated me as if NUU was my identity, and I think I started to think that way too. While frustrated that everyone always wanted to know how the brand was doing and not how I was, at the same time I enjoyed people complimenting me on the “merch,” content, or website. I can’t tell you how many times I was told “yeah I need to buy something,” which leads me to another pitfall.

Obviously, this was a business. While I was thankfully never dependent on it for income, there’s still a need to sell. I could hardly go out without feeling the need to wear some NUU in hopes someone would complement me or ask me about it and then I could tell them all about my brand. This is where I missed the boat—the whole point of the brand was supposed to start conversations about God. However, my default was to hope someone would ask so I could tell them about what I’m doing, and maybe they’d even buy a shirt.

One of the phrases that came to me early on was “this has to be all for God, or it will be all for nothing.” Now it feels like Not Unto Us Apparel falls somewhere in the middle of that duality. I don’t believe God wastes anything, so “all for nothing” probably isn’t the truest expression of what this was. What hits the hardest is that I chased this for a year without realizing I’d missed the whole point. I reduced Scripture to a slogan and God’s Word to just another thing to wear. I checked the box that I was “acting out my faith” when I was really acting as if God needed me to manage His reputation with a nice aesthetic. I could go on, in my usual “poetic” phrasing, but you get the gist.

And some might say I’m being too hard on myself and whatnot, but these are the conclusions I’ve come to through prayer and conversation with Godly people. What this all means in the grand scheme of things I can’t hardly tell you. But I can tell you this: I want to serve God with my life and be willing to go for it when He calls me to things. But If I learned anything, it’s that things can get vague real quick. Just because my heart is in it, doesn’t mean God’s hand is on it. The rhetoric and visuals don’t mean jack if God’s not at the center of it.

Again, I wanna express gratitude to everyone here, especially if you took the time to read all this. I’d appreciate prayers as I continue to sort things out. The saying goes, if you feel far from God, He’s not the one that moved. I guess I’m trying to go back to Him and stay put for a while.

In Him,

-  Carson

Note: this is a personal conclusion based on my experiences, not meant to be applied to any other creative, brand, or otherwise, Christian or not. I am the only person subject to the authority of my own conscience. This letter is my imperfect effort to provide clarity, not preach convictions to be practiced across the board.